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Lots of poems and stories by funkgirl9

Poetry by Highwind-Sniper

Text by Crazy-Kiwii


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Submitted on
June 2, 2010
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How could I have been so blind?
You kept hinting at the truth,
But I was naive
And thought that by telling you how I felt,
Things would change.
Silly me,
Thinking that just because you made me a promise,
You meant it.
You have taught me
That what looks like a perfect friendship on the outside,
Can be just one big lie at it's heart.

I do think you tried to show me the truth,
But I didn't like it,
So I wouldn't listen.
I just reminded you of your words
And hoped everything would be alright.
You eventually just gave up,
And took to feeding me lie after lie
And I ate them up with a spoon,
Believing them to be truths.
This started one way, changed to another, and then changed to yet another. Therefore, I'm not happy with it, I don't think it all fits together well. What I was trying to get across is that a friend broke a promise that had meant a lot to me, and at first I was angry, but I also realize that maybe they tried to show me the truth about the situation, but I wouldn't listen and I just kept telling them I was upset about it and reminding them of their promise, so they gave up on trying to show me the truth and just went along with it, telling me lies. The problem is, now the truth hurts more because I believed the lies. Comments and critiques are much appreciated.
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:iconkiriyama-moon:
Kiriyama-Moon Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2010
私はあなたの痛みを知っています。
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:iconbooknerd135:
Booknerd135 Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2010
私はあなたが気持ちを知って申し訳ありません。しかし、私はそれを非常に感謝し、お気に入りに私の作品を追加していただきありがとうございます。これに間違いがある場合、私は謝る、それは私の母国語ではありません。
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:iconsleepyvirgo:
Sleepyvirgo Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for entering #TeenWriters's competition!

This piece is sad but heartfelt.
Very nicely written, we like how you didn't need to rhyme to make it sound poetic! :heart:

:iconsleepyvirgo: and :iconbookworm48:
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:iconbooknerd135:
Booknerd135 Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2010
Absolutely, tha nk you so much for having one. Thank you so much!
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:icondarkelvenfaerie:
darkelvenfaerie Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2010
You generate how you were hurt by what happened,
Not by the lies as much, but really the promise that was broke.
It is very good.

Blessed Be,
Midnight Writer Shadow

Founder of #Candlelight-Writers
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:iconbooknerd135:
Booknerd135 Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2010
Thank you very much.
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:iconszeh11:
szeh11 Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
I have to say, that I am kind of new to the poetry thing, but this poem is great. It doesn't have to flow together to make sense. I think it would detract from it if it was perfect and flowy. Thoughts aren't all perfect and flowing, and that is what you are trying to express here. And, you know what? I didn't have any rough drafts of my poem. I wanted to write something, so I did.
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:iconbooknerd135:
Booknerd135 Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2010
Thanks so much! When I say rough draft, it's not exactly true, but I mean I read it over and scratch things out and change them. I don't always do this, mostly just for my longer poems.
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:iconszeh11:
szeh11 Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
oh. well, i don't really do any sort of rough draft for anything, not unless i have to. even for the max contest, all i did was the outline.
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:iconbooknerd135:
Booknerd135 Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2010
I hate rough drafts and outlines and stuff. I know they're supposed to be good for you, but they're a pain.
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