How could I have been so blind?
You kept hinting at the truth,
But I was naive
And thought that by telling you how I felt,
Things would change.
Thinking that just because you made me a promise,
You meant it.
You have taught me
That what looks like a perfect friendship on the outside,
Can be just one big lie at it's heart.
I do think you tried to show me the truth,
But I didn't like it,
So I wouldn't listen.
I just reminded you of your words
And hoped everything would be alright.
You eventually just gave up,
And took to feeding me lie after lie
And I ate them up with a spoon,
Believing them to be truths.
This started one way, changed to another, and then changed to yet another. Therefore, I'm not happy with it, I don't think it all fits together well. What I was trying to get across is that a friend broke a promise that had meant a lot to me, and at first I was angry, but I also realize that maybe they tried to show me the truth about the situation, but I wouldn't listen and I just kept telling them I was upset about it and reminding them of their promise, so they gave up on trying to show me the truth and just went along with it, telling me lies. The problem is, now the truth hurts more because I believed the lies. Comments and critiques are much appreciated.
I have to say, that I am kind of new to the poetry thing, but this poem is great. It doesn't have to flow together to make sense. I think it would detract from it if it was perfect and flowy. Thoughts aren't all perfect and flowing, and that is what you are trying to express here. And, you know what? I didn't have any rough drafts of my poem. I wanted to write something, so I did.
Thanks so much! When I say rough draft, it's not exactly true, but I mean I read it over and scratch things out and change them. I don't always do this, mostly just for my longer poems.
oh. well, i don't really do any sort of rough draft for anything, not unless i have to. even for the max contest, all i did was the outline.
I can really relate to this. Its really good. Really gets the emotions across.
I'm sorry you can relate, but thatnk you very much. I aim to get emotion across in most of my work, but it doens't often come through, so I'm glad to know it did in this piece.
I don't think it's choppy at all, it flows together!
this day is just a hump clump of depression.
You said it sister. I couldn't agree more. This also fits with the last day of school. Sleepover=explanation.
I believe it is alright the way it is. I like the conflicting not so matching puzzle pieces in it. It's like you are first blaming them but now you are curious if you didn't help to fuel them on by burying there truth in the lies they gave to you yourself
I agree that it doesn't completely fit together, but in a way that also conveys the confusion you felt throughout the whole process of struggling your friend breaking the promise. But, I definitely think it could be smoothed out. The emotion is very strong though, and I really like the last three lines.
Thank you, after reaind it, I did kind of think that. Thank you again, that's usually what I try to get across, although it come out better sometimes than others. Me too. They were the starting lines, the lines that first came ot me and the rest is knid of based off, and it's common for me to like those the best.
i like the idea ur trying 2 send (even tho its rlly sad) but the wording is a little awkward, not flowing. here like this: think of poetry as a river flowing from one word to the next. then make ur pencil the conductor and let the river flow out of u. thats y i havent written anything for a while. my river stopped flowing temporarily. i dont have any inspiration and anything i write now would be dead and awful. what i like about ur poetry is that u always but feeling and emotion behind urs. i just write when im bored not when im emotional so for now ive stopped writing.
Thank you. I know, but I have trouble finding the words I want and having it flow, so I more often choose to pick the words I want regardless. I'm sorry. I know what that's like, it's really boring and hard at the same time. You want to write, but you can't. Thank you, I try.
well heres an idea. do u know how many rough drafts i had of Gray Ghost? 6! i edited it that many times. each time it was a bit different. so write what u want then tweak it a bit so u dont lose meaning but it sounds better. but never give up meaning for wording. if its a choice choose meaning (im not trying 2 make u do anything just givin u sum ideas)
I know what you mean. it's really hard *personal experience* i know it seems like you might not be able to, but you'll pull through, but you will. and like i said. always online to talk
Thank you so much, for always being there. Thi is what I talked to you about earlier. The friend said she was OK with me, and then said she didn't want to be friend because she wasn't OK.
I figured that that was what it was about. online right now if you wanna talk about it...
**sorry lemme fix my sentence* i know it seems like you won't pull through, but you will