Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
×

:iconbooknerd135: More from Booknerd135


Featured in Collections

Lots of poems and stories by funkgirl9

Poetry by Highwind-Sniper

Text by Crazy-Kiwii


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
June 2, 2010
File Size
808 bytes
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
1,141
Favourites
32 (who?)
Comments
42
×
How could I have been so blind?
You kept hinting at the truth,
But I was naive
And thought that by telling you how I felt,
Things would change.
Silly me,
Thinking that just because you made me a promise,
You meant it.
You have taught me
That what looks like a perfect friendship on the outside,
Can be just one big lie at it's heart.

I do think you tried to show me the truth,
But I didn't like it,
So I wouldn't listen.
I just reminded you of your words
And hoped everything would be alright.
You eventually just gave up,
And took to feeding me lie after lie
And I ate them up with a spoon,
Believing them to be truths.
This started one way, changed to another, and then changed to yet another. Therefore, I'm not happy with it, I don't think it all fits together well. What I was trying to get across is that a friend broke a promise that had meant a lot to me, and at first I was angry, but I also realize that maybe they tried to show me the truth about the situation, but I wouldn't listen and I just kept telling them I was upset about it and reminding them of their promise, so they gave up on trying to show me the truth and just went along with it, telling me lies. The problem is, now the truth hurts more because I believed the lies. Comments and critiques are much appreciated.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconkiriyama-moon:
Kiriyama-Moon Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2010
私はあなたの痛みを知っています。
Reply
:iconbooknerd135:
Booknerd135 Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2010
私はあなたが気持ちを知って申し訳ありません。しかし、私はそれを非常に感謝し、お気に入りに私の作品を追加していただきありがとうございます。これに間違いがある場合、私は謝る、それは私の母国語ではありません。
Reply
:iconsleepyvirgo:
Sleepyvirgo Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for entering #TeenWriters's competition!

This piece is sad but heartfelt.
Very nicely written, we like how you didn't need to rhyme to make it sound poetic! :heart:

:iconsleepyvirgo: and :iconbookworm48:
Reply
:iconbooknerd135:
Booknerd135 Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2010
Absolutely, tha nk you so much for having one. Thank you so much!
Reply
:icondarkelvenfaerie:
darkelvenfaerie Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2010
You generate how you were hurt by what happened,
Not by the lies as much, but really the promise that was broke.
It is very good.

Blessed Be,
Midnight Writer Shadow

Founder of #Candlelight-Writers
Reply
:iconbooknerd135:
Booknerd135 Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2010
Thank you very much.
Reply
:iconszeh11:
szeh11 Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
I have to say, that I am kind of new to the poetry thing, but this poem is great. It doesn't have to flow together to make sense. I think it would detract from it if it was perfect and flowy. Thoughts aren't all perfect and flowing, and that is what you are trying to express here. And, you know what? I didn't have any rough drafts of my poem. I wanted to write something, so I did.
Reply
:iconbooknerd135:
Booknerd135 Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2010
Thanks so much! When I say rough draft, it's not exactly true, but I mean I read it over and scratch things out and change them. I don't always do this, mostly just for my longer poems.
Reply
:iconszeh11:
szeh11 Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
oh. well, i don't really do any sort of rough draft for anything, not unless i have to. even for the max contest, all i did was the outline.
Reply
:iconbooknerd135:
Booknerd135 Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2010
I hate rough drafts and outlines and stuff. I know they're supposed to be good for you, but they're a pain.
Reply
:iconszeh11:
szeh11 Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
i think that they really only have a purpose if you don't know what to write, are writing on a boring subject, or are writing a very long thing.
Reply
:iconbooknerd135:
Booknerd135 Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2010
I would mostly agree
Reply
:iconszeh11:
szeh11 Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
:)
Reply
:iconmelodiouspoet:
MelodiousPoet Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
I can really relate to this. Its really good. Really gets the emotions across.
Reply
:iconbooknerd135:
Booknerd135 Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2010
I'm sorry you can relate, but thatnk you very much. I aim to get emotion across in most of my work, but it doens't often come through, so I'm glad to know it did in this piece.
Reply
:iconmelodiouspoet:
MelodiousPoet Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Its alright, I think everyone can relate to that in some point in their life. Well then, even better :)
Reply
:iconayeshauzmakhan:
ayeshauzmakhan Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2010
I don't think it's choppy at all, it flows together!
Reply
:iconbooknerd135:
Booknerd135 Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2010
Thank you so much!
Reply
:iconayeshauzmakhan:
ayeshauzmakhan Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2010
You're welcome!
Reply
:iconangelofmusic10:
angelofmusic10 Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2010  Student General Artist
this day is just a hump clump of depression.
Reply
:iconbooknerd135:
Booknerd135 Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2010
You said it sister. I couldn't agree more. This also fits with the last day of school. Sleepover=explanation.
Reply
:iconangelofmusic10:
angelofmusic10 Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2010  Student General Artist
emilie=gone all summer :( except weekends in the end of june and that in-between school and summer part of august.
Reply
:iconbooknerd135:
Booknerd135 Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2010
I don't care when, I just need one, preferably with Cristina too.
Reply
:iconangelofmusic10:
angelofmusic10 Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2010  Student General Artist
k just whenever.
Reply
:iconsmartpsycho:
smartpsycho Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2010  Student Traditional Artist
I believe it is alright the way it is. I like the conflicting not so matching puzzle pieces in it. It's like you are first blaming them but now you are curious if you didn't help to fuel them on by burying there truth in the lies they gave to you yourself
Reply
:iconbooknerd135:
Booknerd135 Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2010
Thank you so much!
Reply
:iconsmartpsycho:
smartpsycho Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2010  Student Traditional Artist
welcome
Reply
:iconsilverflamewanderer:
SilverFlameWanderer Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I agree that it doesn't completely fit together, but in a way that also conveys the confusion you felt throughout the whole process of struggling your friend breaking the promise. But, I definitely think it could be smoothed out. The emotion is very strong though, and I really like the last three lines.
Reply
:iconbooknerd135:
Booknerd135 Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2010
Thank you, after reaind it, I did kind of think that. Thank you again, that's usually what I try to get across, although it come out better sometimes than others. Me too. They were the starting lines, the lines that first came ot me and the rest is knid of based off, and it's common for me to like those the best.
Reply
:iconmoonless-love:
Moonless-Love Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
i like the idea ur trying 2 send (even tho its rlly sad) but the wording is a little awkward, not flowing. here like this: think of poetry as a river flowing from one word to the next. then make ur pencil the conductor and let the river flow out of u. thats y i havent written anything for a while. my river stopped flowing temporarily. i dont have any inspiration and anything i write now would be dead and awful. what i like about ur poetry is that u always but feeling and emotion behind urs. i just write when im bored not when im emotional so for now ive stopped writing.
Reply
:iconbooknerd135:
Booknerd135 Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2010
Thank you. I know, but I have trouble finding the words I want and having it flow, so I more often choose to pick the words I want regardless. I'm sorry. I know what that's like, it's really boring and hard at the same time. You want to write, but you can't. Thank you, I try.
Reply
:iconmoonless-love:
Moonless-Love Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
well heres an idea. do u know how many rough drafts i had of Gray Ghost? 6! i edited it that many times. each time it was a bit different. so write what u want then tweak it a bit so u dont lose meaning but it sounds better. but never give up meaning for wording. if its a choice choose meaning (im not trying 2 make u do anything just givin u sum ideas)
Reply
:iconbooknerd135:
Booknerd135 Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2010
The sad part is, I do edit. I read it over and have many crossed out phrases by the time I'm done. Thanks for trying to help.
Reply
:iconmoonless-love:
Moonless-Love Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
mhmm. if i can help with anything else let me know and ill do my best i promise
Reply
:iconbooknerd135:
Booknerd135 Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2010
thanks
Reply
:iconmoonless-love:
Moonless-Love Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
anytime :D
Reply
:iconbabymonkey4lyfe:
babymonkey4lyfe Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2010
I know what you mean. it's really hard *personal experience* :hug: i know it seems like you might not be able to, but you'll pull through, but you will. and like i said. always online to talk :)
Reply
:iconbooknerd135:
Booknerd135 Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2010
Thank you so much, for always being there. Thi is what I talked to you about earlier. The friend said she was OK with me, and then said she didn't want to be friend because she wasn't OK.
Reply
:iconbabymonkey4lyfe:
babymonkey4lyfe Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2010
:tighthug: I figured that that was what it was about. online right now if you wanna talk about it...:shrug:
Reply
:iconbooknerd135:
Booknerd135 Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2010
For once, I'm gonna say no thanks. I really do appreciate it, I don't mean to say otherwise, but I think I'm good enough for now to just think it over myself, and also see what really happens, before I get worried or upset. Thank you though.
Reply
:iconbabymonkey4lyfe:
babymonkey4lyfe Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2010
cool :) take care :hug:
Reply
:iconbabymonkey4lyfe:
babymonkey4lyfe Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2010
**sorry lemme fix my sentence* i know it seems like you won't pull through, but you will
Reply
Add a Comment: